Alright, Bitches

I’ve talked to too many people lately who say they “used” to love my blog. I’ve looked at too many pictures lately where I thought, “Damn, I used to look a lot better than I do right now.” I’ve felt too shitty after too many meals lately. Alright, bitches – let’s do this.

Right now, I’m at home in Nebraska with WRG. It’s the first real Christmas we’ve spent together, and it’s awesome. I love being home with my parents and seeing old friends and catching up about everything and everyone.

Speaking of old friends, my bestest friend Jessie is getting married in June and I AM A BRIDESMAID!!!! Really freaking pumped about that, because we always used to talk about how we would be in each other’s weddings and aren’t we pretty and dresses and flowers and JOY.

So I bought a bridesmaid’s dress in this beautiful mint color that is going to be gorgeous for her amazingly ridiculously beautiful wedding.

It’s a size 14.

**pause for effect**

That may not seem like a big deal to you, but I am living in a tight 16 and loose 18 sized world right about now. (14 may not seem that far off, but my boobs would tell you otherwise.) I bought this dress, I can’t return it, and I’m going to fit into it by June 6, 2015, damnit. I don’t care what anyone has to say about it.

What have I been doing since I last posted, you might ask? Well, I haven’t TOTALLY sucked at everything. I weighed in at WW in July before we went to Alaska, and I was 222.6 pounds. It was a long year of school and I was bleh. Then, my parents and I went to Alaska, I started my third year of teaching, had a crazy first semester, joined Lifetime Fitness, and have trying to be slightly more on track. When I weighed in again on October 11th (doing REALLY well with consistency here, Liz) I was at 213.2 pounds. So, not totally sucking, right? I think I’m probably a little above that right now, but I’m too scared to check. (Curse you, Holidays…)

The best decision I’ve made since my last attempt to be a blogger was joining Lifetime Fitness and take a ridiculously awesome class called Team Fitness. My trainer, Leah, is one of the coolest humans on the planet and a TOTAL fitness badass. Like, she wins competitions and shit. She’s also a musician, and I pretty much couldn’t ask for someone more awesome to make me feel terrible about myself. In the best way possible. Because she makes me do things I NEVER thought were a possibility. (Like one time I did 100 push ups. In an hour period of time. WTF.) She’s a rock star, and I promise I’m not just saying that because she’s probably going to read this. :)

I’ve realized, through this process, that the only way I’m going to ever really work hard in a workout is with a team. I need someone to push me to be less terrible at things like push ups. And pull ups. (I did them! Kind of. Assisted pull ups. That counts, right?) And hollow rocks. (THAT’S A THING. THEY’RE AWESOMELY TERRIBLE.) And running for more than 30 seconds without feeling like I’m going to die.

So that’s good. Now we just have to get the whole healthy food consuming thing in check. I can’t say I’m doing particularly well with that, being that since I started this post yesterday, we went out for Indian food, had breakfast at a diner this morning, and drank all of the I’m-on-vacation-no-one-can-stop-me alcohol. But hey. I’m on vacation, y’all.

This blog post serves to remind me that I need some serious accountability in order to get back on track. No more hiding in the shadows while shoving honey butter chicken biscuits in my face.

I can do this. And you all are going to help me.

:)

Christmas

Me and WRG on Christmas!

 

The Blessed Unrest

As many of you know, I am a huge fan of Sara Bareilles.

Stay with me, kids. I promise this is a good one.

She’s smart and spectacular and funny and brilliant and has the most amazing voice and swears like a middle-school band director. (Er, wait…) I’ve always thought her music was amazing, and then she came out with this freaking great album called The Blessed Unrest.

For those of you who don’t know, “The Blessed Unrest” comes from an incredible quote courtesy of Martha Graham, a brilliant choreographer and overall badass. I’ll get to that in a moment.

After a 12-hour workday with barely any time for lunch or thinking or normalcy, I really wasn’t planning on doing anything this evening but going home and watching White Collar on Netflix. Or Veronica Mars on Amazon Prime. Or Grimm on Hulu Plus. Don’t worry, we have them all. But I walked outside, and it was BEAUTIFUL. My absolutely favorite kind of weather – 65 and clear as a mother effer. With a little bit of encouragement from a Walter, I went home, changed clothes, didn’t sit down for fear of never getting up again, and went to a neighborhood close to our apartment complex.

I made sure I had my Fitbit, hit “Start” on my Runkeeper app, and began playing The Blessed Unrest. (Seriously – if you haven’t checked it out, do it right now. Before you keep reading.

Did you check it out? Okay, awesome. Wait, are you lying to me? ……oh okay, good. You can keep reading now.)

Everything was going awesomely. I somehow found the energy to run a little bit. (Ralker tip: run when it’s downhill. Walk when it’s uphill. GENIUS, I KNOW.) I was jamming out to some rad tunes. Having a pretty decent time.

Then I ralked past this woman who was running uphill. I mean, she was GET. TING. IT. Total badassery. And when she looked up, she flashed me the biggest, most genuine smile in the world. It said – hey, good work, friend. Keep being awesome.

And I just burst into tears.

Like, smiling, freaking BEAMING, tears of joy and sunshine and happiness. Because you know what?

I am fucking ALIVE.

I have spent some serious time lately being frustrated and stressed and overwhelmed with everything that goes on in my life on a daily basis. But all I could think in that moment is that I’m alive and I am trying to be better. I’m alive, and I have amazing people surrounding me. I will go to work tomorrow, the same frustrations will exist, my kids will be totally wonderful idiots, I’ll wish I was a better teacher – but I’m alive.

Remember that quote from Martha Graham? Here it is. Read carefully.

There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. … No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.

As you might imagine, this resonates with me on a multitude of levels. As I walked this evening for 50 minutes and went 3 miles, I thought about being alive and keeping the channel open.

Will I be able to do this all day tomorrow? Probably not. But it’s a start.

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Drip, Drip, Drop Little April…Goals

(You probably have that song from Bambi in your head now. You’re welcome.)

Things That Would Be Super Magical And Wonderful If They Happened In APRIL:

  • Ralk 20 miles
  • Get 60,000 steps each week
  • Lose 5 pounds
  • FEEL BETTER AND STRONGER

I’m fully aware that the last one isn’t exactly quantifiable, but I was telling WRG tonight I just feel weak lately. Back when I was losing weight the first awesome time, I got to a point where I was doing Nike Training Club a few times a week. (At first I typed “all the time”. Hahaha – false.) Now, I’m Flabby McFlabsalot and it’s just freaking annoying. I tried running part of my 2 miles tonight, and it was bordering on hilarious. Things were flying everywhere. I’m sorry to all of the cars driving by in Steiner Ranch who got a glimpse of that awesome.

These goals are meant to be realistic and achievable. Notice I did not mention clothing sizes – I refused to buy a size bigger anyway, so all my pants are too small. (Seriously – the idea of going up that ONE pant size makes me irrationally angry and eye-gougy. Like, I want to gouge out people’s eyes. It’s violent, but true.)

So we’ll see how this goes. I promise to keep you posted on my progress!

A Good Day

Sometimes, you just have a good day.

You’d think, since today was the first day back to school after 2 weeks off, this wouldn’t be that day. And I’ll be honest – some of my children forgot which end of the clarinet to blow into, and most of them walked around like zombies all day because they’ve been staying up until 4am playing video games for 2 straight weeks. But it was still a good day.

Today, I hung out with some kiddos, most of whom really like to be in my class. We made music together, we laughed about silly things, we high-fived a lot – it was great. I made a lunch that was absolutely delicious and healthy. I drank coffee that I made at home. I didn’t overexert myself, I just steadily kicked butt all day long.

Then I came home and made dinner with MY BOYFRIEND WHO LIVES WITH ME NOW.

That’s right – Walter’s back in Austin! WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

It’s basically the best thing ever. He’s only been officially moved in for a few days, and we’ve already made dinner together twice. And they’ve been healthy and delicious. Tonight was tacos – ground beef, veggies, and guacamole in a corn tortilla. Walter also found HEB tortilla soup that was delicious and really low calorie. It was amazing on this chilly evening!

tacos.

I tracked everything I ate today, and I stayed under my points. Bam, bitches.

2 other exciting things in the past few days: I got my hurr did…

hair.

And I drank a beer that had glitter in it.

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(Austin Beerworks does it again.)

That’s all I’ve got for you right now. My dear friend Amanda just joined WW with me, and we are going to work super hard together to make this shit go down the way it’s supposed to.

Lots of love, friends. Lots of love.

Hey

Oh, hey guys. Remember me?

**crickets**

It’s been awhile, blah blah blah. Guess what? LIFE HAPPENS. Leave me alone. And stay offa my lawn!

Now that I’m done being crotchety, here’s what’s up: I moved to a new apartment last week, I’m in my second year of teaching, Walter lives in Dallas, that sucks, some days I’m kind of healthy, some days I’m not, mostly not healthy lately, and I feel like bleh. And more bleh. (WordPress kept autocorrecting that to “bleu”. I guess it’s fitting.)

Here’s what I did tonight: I went to the grocery store. WOW LIZ, people do that every day, shut up, you’re not that big of a deal. Oh yes I am, unknown italicized nay-sayer. Because I truly don’t remember the last time I went to the grocery store and actually purchased food with the intention of eating it sometime other than RIGHT THAT SECOND. Yep.

On the grocery store note – the HEB close to me is the. shit. Seriously. It’s an HEB Plus, which already makes it about 18 times more badass. (Just like Super Target. I’m sorry, what’s that? You made one of my favorite places in the world, “SUPER”? I’m effing THERE!) The aisles in this place are, like, the size of a street lane. That already helps one of my biggest annoyances with grocery stores: other freaking people. At this place they are just pushing their carts down the other side of the street. NBD.

So I bought food. And let’s be honest – not even THAT much. When you see these photos, you’re going to be like, “Good job, Liz. You improved your food situation by about 18%.” But guess what. 18% is better than nothing, bitches.

Fridge before:**

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Fridge after:

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“Woo hoo!” shouted no one. Oh well – it’s better than it was before. Now I have the following: grapes, apples, pears, bananas, carrots, lettuce wraps, bell pepper, turkey, cheese, yogurt, milk, frozen meals, ice cream bars, breakfast sandwiches, popcorn, and a salmon thing for dinner some night this week. (All the veggies and fruit are in that bottom drawer. It fogged up because I had the door open for so long. Save the earth!)

I guess I’m back. But don’t hold your breath. Here’s to…..being slightly better than I was yesterday.

**A note: do you see what my fridge looked like, post-move? Like, that’s friggin absurd. Gin, beer, tonic, leftover pizza, and an empty Brita pitcher. Livin’ the high life, my friends.

Personal Best

Tonight was the first time I have been on a real ralk in months. (For those of you who are new to Love Weights: walk + run = ralk. It sounds cooler.)

I drove home from Dallas today (random bad weather make-up day off from school), plopped down on the couch, and turned on old episodes of The Office on Netflix. Walter texted me that he was going for a run, and then I felt guilty and mopey and all those other I’m-a-blog-of-do-nothing feelings. (That’s why I keep him around.) Instead of getting of the couch, I sat at my computer, making a workout playlist. (If only that burned as many calories as ACTUAL ralking did.) When I finally decided to get my ass off the couch and use that rockin’ (ralkin’?) playlist that I so deftly created, I found that it was absolutely BEAUTIFUL outside. Austin decided to give us one more night of breezy, gorgeous weather right before sunset.

I turned on my new Spotify playlist, and I was amazed at how much it motivated me. Usually, I put on a Radiohead or Muse album, or I let Pandora do the work. Inevitably, that leads to me being annoyed with slow songs or songs I don’t like as much as others, or songs I’ve never heard, or songs I just DON’T WANT TO HEAR RIGHT NOW, PANDORA. HOW DARE YOU.

This new playlist allowed me to not ever worry that I wasn’t going to be completely happy with a song choice. I jammed out the whole way. I know it might not be everyone’s preference, but here it is – I’m proud of it:

(Use at your own risk. I like to be cursed at while I ralk. Weight loss uncensored, bitches.)

I put it on shuffle play, and smiled. For my entire ralk, I smiled. Even when I was gasping for air and I felt like someone was punch me in the side, I was jamming out to my music. The weather was ridiculous and the sunset was magical.

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I went a total of 2.5 miles in 38 minutes. Have I gone farther in previous ralks? Of course. With faster miles? Duh.

But tonight, I felt amazing. I felt joyous that I live in such an amazing place, thankful that I have lungs that gasp and legs that ache, and proud of myself for getting off the couch and taking care of my body.

By my standards – that’s a personal best.

One Step Forward…

Well hey, everybody!

To say it’s been awhile would be an understatement, so let’s just say this – I’m not dead. Hooray! Much has happened over the last….ahem….almost 3 months (ew, gross), and most of it has absolutely nothing to do with me and my weight loss journey.

HOWEVER. I got up yesterday morning, after a glorious, relaxing, beautiful Spring Break, and I decided to go to Weight Watchers. It wasn’t even a decision to “get back on track”, honestly, my first step was just getting my ass out of bed on a Saturday and heading to the 9:30am meeting. (Trust me, that in itself was damn close to a miracle.)

Full disclosure here – when I went to WW yesterday morning, it had been at least 3 weeks since my last weigh-in. My expectations were low – in fact, I think I said to Walter, “I really hope that I haven’t gained 10 pounds.” But I hadn’t! I certainly hadn’t lost weight, but like I said – my expectations were low. All the world needs to know is my current weight, because this feels a little bit like starting over.

Current weight: 203.8 pounds

I’m still going to measure my success from the beginning of the journey, but today really feels like I’m starting over. And that’s okay. I mean, how many times did Thomas Edison have to start over? Or Sara Bareilles? (Yep, those are the only two famous, successful people who popped into my head. Get over it.)

Today, I’m taking one step forward. I’m not dwelling on all the steps I’ve taken back, I’m simply taking one step forward. Actually, it’s more like 2 or 3 steps forward. I weighed in at WW, I’m writing a blog post – I might even go to the grocery store today. **gasp**

One thing that has happened over the last few months will greatly impact my daily/weekly routine, so I thought I would let the blogging world know. In December, Walter was offered a totally fabulous and awesome new job – in Dallas. I am SO incredibly happy for him, because he deserves every bit of amazing success in his totally rockin’ career. However, this does mean that we are going to be long distance for awhile. He was able to work from home in Austin for the last two months, but just yesterday he moved all of his things to a totally killer apartment in downtown Dallas. I’ll be honest – it’s going to be really, really hard to be without him during the week, especially when it comes to cooking. (Over the past few months, the ONLY way we ate a home-cooked meal was because he so wonderfully made it for us.) A big reason why I’m blogging today is to get my mind back in the right mental place to start eating healthy ALL the time, with or without my cook of a boyfriend. I just didn’t want all six of you reading this blog to worry about me and WRG. He’s still as amazing as ever! :)

My mom always tells me, when I’m feeling down or in a rough spot, to write down 10 things for which I am grateful RIGHT NOW. Today I would like to take that advice, and share my findings with you.

10 (ish) Things For Which I’m Grateful TODAY: Sunday, March 17th

1. My family. No matter the situation, my mom and dad are ALWAYS there for me. Always.
2. This guy:
IMG_26403. Dark chocolate. Not a day goes by that I am NOT thankful for dark chocolate.
4. Dear, DEAR friends who understand me and put up with all my weirdness.
5. Starbucks. But only because I don’t have internet until Tuesday, and they have a 7-point yummy breakfast wrap.
IMG_49446. SPRING. FREAKING. BREAK.
7. Really, REALLY pink shoes. I can’t properly explain you how happy they make me.
photo 38. My incredibly demanding and TOTALLY rewarding job.
9. Playing music. Check out this amazing band I’ve been playing with: KP and the Boom Boom. We had a gig last night at SXSW. Amazing.
photo 410. FRUIT. Fruit is my weight-loss savior.
11. This blog!
12. Weight Watchers. I wouldn’t be where I am without it.
photo 1

That’s where we are today! To those of you still reading – thank you. Writing this blog helps more than you will ever know.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!