Warning – this isn’t the happiest of posts. It’s also kind of more for me than it is for all of you, but this damn blog means I have to put it out on the internet. Eff.
I left the WW meeting, went to my car, and wept.
I sobbed and wept and cried. There was gnashing of teeth and pounding of fists. I was rationally mad at myself, and irrationally mad at everyone who has “let” me eat poorly. I was sad and pissed and defeated and dreading this post.
I wish I could blame someone other than myself. Wouldn’t that be awesome? My friends, how DARE you let me eat out so many times this week? And why didn’t you motivate me MORE to go to the gym on Tuesday night? But that’s just silly and completely unfair. I’m embarrassed and pissed off at myself.
I need to remember exactly how I feel right now when I think, “You know, I really don’t want to cook – let’s just go out to eat.” Or, “I just REALLY WANT this cookie. I just want it. Now.” I seem to have forgotten this week what the consequences are for eating like shit. Really, Liz – eating all the crap you did at restaurants and at work will add up to a 2.8-pound gain. And probably more, if you’re not careful. This is what I have to remember.
I’m mad for a million different reasons, but I am not going to write them out here because I will spiral out of control and just end up in the fetal position in the corner, sobbing away. (Hey! I wonder if you can lose weight from crying!) The bottom line – this week has to be better. Not just because I need to lose weight and be healthy, but because my mental state right now is a slightly unstable one.
Sorry this is a fairly rough post. But this is exactly how I feel right now. Being healthy and losing weight is not always easy, but if you get in the way of your own success, it’s going to be even harder. This is just depressing:
It looks like I’ve hit a plateau, except for the fact that a plateau implies work without results. I’m just not working for it right now. I’ve hit a mental plateau. Get over it, Self.
Here’s to a healthy and exercise-filled week, folks. All good vibes are appreciated.