Everyone is at a different place in their weight loss journey. Some people are just starting out, some have been doing it for years. Some people are at their goal weight and trying to maintain it with fervor. Some are just entertaining the possibility of getting healthier, but aren’t ready to make the leap of faith. Others have made that leap and fallen short. Some people are 6 months in, and they have hit a frustrating plateau. I’m 9 weeks in, and I have been very happy with my weight-loss success.
But no matter where you are, there are going to be struggles. I realize as I look back over my blog that things have kind of just been rolling along successfully for 9 straight weeks. This is for a number of reasons – I have a lot to lose, I changed everything all at once, and I’ve been working hard. But I most definitely still have my struggles.
Yesterday, for the first time in a long time, I mindlessly ate food. I sat down in front of a plate of cookies at a meeting, and I ate 3. THREE EFFING COOKIES. I wasn’t even hungry, and I certainly didn’t need to treat myself. I got gelato at lunch, and the dude at Central Market put SO much in my “small” bowl. It was delicious, but I ate the whole thing and felt almost sick afterwards. At dinner, I ate an entire meal, even though I wasn’t hungry for more than about half of a sandwich. I just ate everything because I was exhausted and stressed out and it was in front of my face.
I didn’t get great sleep over the weekend, Walter left for Florida yesterday, work has been a little rough, and I am just exhausted. (Blah blah, whine whine.) Tiredness plays such a huge part in this journey. When I am tired, I don’t want to cook. I don’t want to plan meals, get off my ass and work out, or eat anything that doesn’t involve butter.
I got to the end of a very long day yesterday and I broke down. I was too full, too tired, and too pissed at myself for making bad decisions. That was when I realized that, even though this blog is an amazing thing that holds me so accountable, it’s also terrifying. I spent so much time yesterday fretting about the possibility of gaining back weight this week. What if I go back under 25 pounds lost? What if it turns out I haven’t lost my whole 10%, after the whole award thing and my excitement? What if, heaven forbid, I get back up to less than 20 pounds lost and my photos from last week mean nothing?? (Boy, when I write it out like that, it is DRAMATIC. Almost funny. No, it’s definitely funny. I turn into a totally bonkers person when I’m tired.)
So I went to bed. I slept for a solid seven hours, got up this morning, ate Fiber One cereal for breakfast, and drank a million ounces of water. I wasn’t by any means perfect, but I tracked everything I ate and avoided sweets all day (save the WW ice cream bar at home – always worth it). I also didn’t drink the beer I wanted when I came home. I didn’t need it, and I most definitely feel better for leaving it alone.
I also talked to my mom on the phone. After I went through the whole diatribe of yesterday’s dramatic shenanigans, she proceeded to tell me about all the people she’s spoken to recently at home in Nebraska who have been reading my blog and are pulling for me. It made me remember that there are a lot of reasons that I’m writing this blog, and that people are supportive and amazing. Like, a lot of people. And it kind of blows my little mind.
Wherever you are on your journey, just understand that you aren’t alone – we all struggle. It’s one of the biggest reasons that our success is so sweet, and that we can cherish and treasure the good things in life. Know that when you’re tired and full and pissed off, it’s not the end of the world, those three shortbread cookies you ate will not make you gain 10 pounds, and people won’t stop reading your blog if you screw up.
Oh, and life is beautiful. :)