When I got dressed this morning, for the first time in ages, I looked at myself and I said, “Hey, I look pretty good!”
For me, one of the worst things about being overweight is the clothes. Not that there aren’t beautiful clothes for bigger women, but when you are living in a state of struggle and instability with your weight, clothes just become a friggin’ bother. They’re all, “I’m smaller than you! I have holes in me! I look like crap!” and I’m all **cries uncontrollably**. It’s truly a feat of strength getting dressed in the morning.
Then there’s that hilarious cycle when you’re “trying” to lose weight – you want to buy new clothes because you haven’t in years, but then you think “But what if I lose weight? Then I will have wasted money!” and then you don’t buy them, but you also don’t lose weight because you’re not really that serious about it, and then you perpetually have bad clothes. Oh, and by “you” I mean “Liz”.
So that’s what I’ve been living in for awhile. Every morning is a bit of a struggle – I play the “Which cover-my-tummy method shall I employ today?” game. If I wear the black pants, I can’t wear fitted shirts. If I wear the ruffled shirt, I have to make sure that I have a camisole underneath to gain adequate torso coverage. I can’t wear the pencil skirt because it doesn’t hide my stomach well enough. Blah blah blah. I really hope I’m not the only one who goes through this rigamarole every morning. (Eh, you like that? “Rigamarole?” I learned that word from my grandma. She’s an awesomely fierce lady.)
This morning just went a little differently. I recently got these awesome gray tights from Banana Republic, and I forgot about this beautifully bright printed dress that I own. Add some sassy, slouchy, black boots and I was feeling good! I walked out the door with my head held a little higher, because I knew that even though I don’t like exactly the way that I look right now, I’m doing something about it. And there is so much power in that.
(The photo isn’t great (thank you office lighting and iPhone camera), but you get the gist.)
Making the decision to be healthier affects so much more than the scale. It affects who you are. And I’m pretty crazy about that.