My First Mile

Let’s recap:

Last week, I joined Team Weight Loss at Lifetime Fitness. My trainer is badass. He’s cool, and he doesn’t let me slack for a freaking second. Jerk. :)

On Monday, I had my first session. Kicked my ass. Woke up the next morning and THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE A TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, SORE-MUSCLE ANGRY DEATH. Then I woke up on Wednesday and OH GOD SOMEHOW IT’S WORSE THAN THE DAY BEFORE. And I had to go back to class on Wednesday.

I texted Trainer - “Dude, sore. Help?” and he’s all “We’ll take it easy!” Yeah, right. But somehow I made it through, and again on Thursday. (Everything hurt. It hurt to LAUGH. Not kidding.)

Then Monday of this week happened. It was HARD. Like, tearing up because everything hurt and I hate my life and everyone and WHY ARE YOU STARING AT ME FIT GIRL ON THE TREADMILL I KNOW I’M GRUNTING ON EVERY REP.

It made me mad. And I whined and moaned. Blah blah blah.

So I went in last night. I’m feeling…..eh. Trainer sees me. He goes, “Get on the treadmill, we’re doing a mile.”

Wait, I’m sorry. “Doing” a mile. You mean, like, walk it? Or like, walk to the ice cream store that’s down the street? That might be a mile. Or maybe I’m supposed to DRIVE a mile. Yeah, that sounds right.

Nope. Running.

Let’s be completely honest here. Never, in my life, have I ever ran a mile. In fact, sometimes, when I’m ralking, I think about the fact that if we were to truly have a zombie apocalypse or something ridiculous and terrifying, I would just straight up die. From the running. Not even from the zombies.

So. Now I’m going to tell you the story of my first mile. Ever. Play-by-play, people. Because it was pretty epic.

START: *expletives* (mostly aimed at Trainer)

.10 mile: Whoa, I’ve already done a tenth of mile? Shit, this is no big deal!

.20 mile: Oh you have got to be freaking kidding me. This is impossible. IMPOSSIBLE I TELL YOU.

.25 mile: Wooooo! I’m a fourth of the way done!! Wait, that’s not very much….

.30 mile: Sons of asses.

.34 mile: There is NO WAY it has only been 4/100th’s of a mile since I looked down last. NO WAY. I swear I went at least 2/10th’s of a mile. Does this treadmill even work???

.40 mile: Trainer just asked me how I’m doing. I grunted out “fine” but what I really wanted to say might have gotten me kicked out of Lifetime. Forever.

.50 mile: Okay. I’m halfway done. I’m sweating so much it looks like I just jumped in a pool, every breath has turned into a wheeze, but I’m halfway done. Way to go, Liz! You’re a freaking rock star!!

.62 mile: You fat son of a bitch. You’re never going to finish. You’re the worst human. Why did you think you could lose weight? You should go back to sitting on the couch and eating Torchy’s for every meal. You’d be much more successful at that.

.70 mile: Uh, Trainer? I think my heart is going to explode. No, I mean, literally. Not figuratively. Heartsplosion. Right now.

.75 mile: **more expletives than you ever knew existed**

.78 mile: **I’ll be honest friends – I stopped here to catch my breath for about 20 seconds. But I was starting to see spots and get light-headed, so I’m going to cut myself a little slack.**

.80 mile: Oh my gosh! Only 2/10th’s of a mile left! Woooo hooooo!

.90 mile: SWEET HOLY MOTHER OF WORKOUT GODS WHEN WILL IT END

.95 mile: **Gabe comes over and ups my speed** Shitassmothereffer.

1 mile!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!: HOLY CRAPPING CRAP I JUST RAN A FREAKING MILE.

I think that I called, like, 10 different people to tell them that I ran a mile. As if I’d just cured a rare disease.

But if I can run a mile? There’s hope for the rest of the world. Seriously.

Here’s a photo of me being a dork while stretching.

Processed with VSCOcam with s1 presetThus ends the tale of my most recent fitness escapades. More on other stuff soon. :)

 

The Blessed Unrest

As many of you know, I am a huge fan of Sara Bareilles.

Stay with me, kids. I promise this is a good one.

She’s smart and spectacular and funny and brilliant and has the most amazing voice and swears like a middle-school band director. (Er, wait…) I’ve always thought her music was amazing, and then she came out with this freaking great album called The Blessed Unrest.

For those of you who don’t know, “The Blessed Unrest” comes from an incredible quote courtesy of Martha Graham, a brilliant choreographer and overall badass. I’ll get to that in a moment.

After a 12-hour workday with barely any time for lunch or thinking or normalcy, I really wasn’t planning on doing anything this evening but going home and watching White Collar on Netflix. Or Veronica Mars on Amazon Prime. Or Grimm on Hulu Plus. Don’t worry, we have them all. But I walked outside, and it was BEAUTIFUL. My absolutely favorite kind of weather – 65 and clear as a mother effer. With a little bit of encouragement from a Walter, I went home, changed clothes, didn’t sit down for fear of never getting up again, and went to a neighborhood close to our apartment complex.

I made sure I had my Fitbit, hit “Start” on my Runkeeper app, and began playing The Blessed Unrest. (Seriously – if you haven’t checked it out, do it right now. Before you keep reading.

Did you check it out? Okay, awesome. Wait, are you lying to me? ……oh okay, good. You can keep reading now.)

Everything was going awesomely. I somehow found the energy to run a little bit. (Ralker tip: run when it’s downhill. Walk when it’s uphill. GENIUS, I KNOW.) I was jamming out to some rad tunes. Having a pretty decent time.

Then I ralked past this woman who was running uphill. I mean, she was GET. TING. IT. Total badassery. And when she looked up, she flashed me the biggest, most genuine smile in the world. It said – hey, good work, friend. Keep being awesome.

And I just burst into tears.

Like, smiling, freaking BEAMING, tears of joy and sunshine and happiness. Because you know what?

I am fucking ALIVE.

I have spent some serious time lately being frustrated and stressed and overwhelmed with everything that goes on in my life on a daily basis. But all I could think in that moment is that I’m alive and I am trying to be better. I’m alive, and I have amazing people surrounding me. I will go to work tomorrow, the same frustrations will exist, my kids will be totally wonderful idiots, I’ll wish I was a better teacher – but I’m alive.

Remember that quote from Martha Graham? Here it is. Read carefully.

There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. … No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.

As you might imagine, this resonates with me on a multitude of levels. As I walked this evening for 50 minutes and went 3 miles, I thought about being alive and keeping the channel open.

Will I be able to do this all day tomorrow? Probably not. But it’s a start.

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Hills and Valleys

I swear I’ve titled a post “Hills and Valleys” before, but I can’t find it. And you probably don’t remember it.

Let’s get the confession out of the way first: I didn’t weigh in this weekend.

Stop yelling at me, I know it’s terrible.

Now that you’re done yelling, let’s talk about it like adults. (Gosh, you’re always so immature!) I’m going to tell you about the things I did well this week, then I’m going to tell you the things that I can do better next time. That’s how I give comments to my students when they do playing tests. We’ll see if it works.

Things I Did Well This Week:

  1. During the boringest of tasks that is monitoring hallways for STAAR testing, my awesome friend Jessica and I did lunges, wall sits, ab stuff, and squats. It was hilarious and awesome. And I was SO SORE the next day. And the next day.
  2. I walked four miles on Thursday! It was magical. My dear friend Amanda pushed me to go further than I wanted to, and it was sweaty and difficult. I felt like a badass.
  3. I tracked all my food from Sunday through most of Friday. I brought my lunch almost everyday, and the day that I didn’t, I got an Beach Club Unwich (no mayo) from Jimmy John’s! It was delicious and didn’t involve bread. That’s a feat of strength at Jimmy John’s.Processed with VSCOcam with t1 preset
  4. I did NOT eat a bunch of chocolate that a kid gave me for a gift. It involved Snickers. And I am bordering on powerless when it comes to Snickers.

Things I Did NOT Do Well This Week:

  1. I didn’t go to Weight Watchers. But you yelled at me about that already.
  2. I went out to eat twice this weekend. Both times were totally delicious and both made me feel crappy because my body wasn’t used to copious amounts of bad food.
  3. I only got to about 5,000 steps today because I was lazy. Incredibly lazy. You know, the Netflix kind of lazy.

So that’s out of the way. Walter and I went to the grocery store tonight, so the plan this week is to be CONSISTENTLY awesome.

Turns out old habits die hard, huh?

Drip, Drip, Drop Little April…Goals

(You probably have that song from Bambi in your head now. You’re welcome.)

Things That Would Be Super Magical And Wonderful If They Happened In APRIL:

  • Ralk 20 miles
  • Get 60,000 steps each week
  • Lose 5 pounds
  • FEEL BETTER AND STRONGER

I’m fully aware that the last one isn’t exactly quantifiable, but I was telling WRG tonight I just feel weak lately. Back when I was losing weight the first awesome time, I got to a point where I was doing Nike Training Club a few times a week. (At first I typed “all the time”. Hahaha – false.) Now, I’m Flabby McFlabsalot and it’s just freaking annoying. I tried running part of my 2 miles tonight, and it was bordering on hilarious. Things were flying everywhere. I’m sorry to all of the cars driving by in Steiner Ranch who got a glimpse of that awesome.

These goals are meant to be realistic and achievable. Notice I did not mention clothing sizes – I refused to buy a size bigger anyway, so all my pants are too small. (Seriously – the idea of going up that ONE pant size makes me irrationally angry and eye-gougy. Like, I want to gouge out people’s eyes. It’s violent, but true.)

So we’ll see how this goes. I promise to keep you posted on my progress!

Real Life

Alrighty then. Let’s recap.

Hi, everyone – my name is Liz Love. I started this blog in November of 2011, and I kicked some serious ass. Walter and I were determined to be healthy, and we were nailing it. I was working as an administrative assistant at UT, and my job was 8-5. I never brought work home, I worked with awesome faculty at UT – and I hated it. I knew it wasn’t what I wanted to do, and it was terrible. But I was healthy.

Then Walter moved to Dallas, and I sort of gave up. There were moments of shining glory, and then moments of face devouring Papa John’s pizza. Hills and valleys.

Now, I’m in my second year of teaching as a middle school band director. I work more than 12 hours a day, I plan in the evenings, I have stress dreams about my students not doing well, I work on the weekends frequently – and I freaking love it. However, I haven’t made the time/slept enough/cared about eating well/figured out a work out schedule in any consistent way for the last year and a half. Proof? My last……few posts on this here blog.

A couple of weeks ago, WRG and I were laying in bed (BECAUSE HE FINALLY LIVES WITH ME IN AUSTIN AGAIN), and I finally said something out loud that I had been just too scared to say:

“I don’t know if I can lose that weight again.”

Some of you might know that I got down to 40 pounds lost in November of 2012. I was under 200 pounds, I was ready to take photos with Nathan again, and I was feeling fantastic. And then life happened. A lot of life. Life just lifed all over my life. And for these last few months, all I’ve been thinking is - I don’t think I can do it again. It was hard the first time. It might be even harder again. And when I said it out loud, it was terrifying.

Then Walter said the following: “You can do it. You’re amazing. You can lose as much weight as you want to.”

As I want to. Huh.

I get it now.

I’ve tried to get back into this whole thing again for the last year and a half. There were moments that I did want to lose the weight, but the other moments of wanting a honey butter chicken biscuit/Ben & Jerry’s/a dry martini/wine/alcohol/yougettheidea got in the way. (Seriously, though – HBCB’s have ruined my life.)

So after Walter said that to me, and I spent some more days thinking about being fat, and I drank a few bottles of wine, it occurred to me that I felt like shit. Total shit. My sciatic nerve hurts, my clothes don’t fit, blah blah blah (see: this post, it will be faster). Walter and I decided it was finally time to do something.

Now, as you may have noticed, Walter makes a pretty big appearance in this post. We’ve decided we are either the best influences on each other, or the absolute worst. When one of us is trying to be healthy, we do okay for a few days, and then the other one orders pizza and all hell breaks loose. 1,200 calories in one meal later, that healthy thing goes out the window.

This time around, we were both talking about being healthy (a good sign!). After hemming and hawing, Walter bought us both a Fitbit. That was the turning point.

If you haven’t looked into some sort of activity monitoring device, it’s pretty much the best thing ever. I get SO excited about trying to get to 10,000 steps every day. (Also, turns out I do a CRAP-TON of moving around at school. Teaching is exercise! Er, something….) I’ve also starting tracking on My Fitness Pal. EVERYTHING is on there. It’s awesome.

So I tracked everything that went into my body this week, went on a walk after school one day (huh?) and I’m definitely feeling better. :) Walter and I also went on a walk around Town Lake yesterday – and here’s proof!

Town Lake

It was rough – I’m out of shape. We went 3 miles. That didn’t used to make me want to die. (Who am I kidding? I always want to die when I work out.)

So here I am. 2 and a half years into a weight-loss journey. I went to WW yesterday. And here it is:

219.4 pounds

Okay. Whatever. Moving on. Here we go!

A Good Day

Sometimes, you just have a good day.

You’d think, since today was the first day back to school after 2 weeks off, this wouldn’t be that day. And I’ll be honest – some of my children forgot which end of the clarinet to blow into, and most of them walked around like zombies all day because they’ve been staying up until 4am playing video games for 2 straight weeks. But it was still a good day.

Today, I hung out with some kiddos, most of whom really like to be in my class. We made music together, we laughed about silly things, we high-fived a lot – it was great. I made a lunch that was absolutely delicious and healthy. I drank coffee that I made at home. I didn’t overexert myself, I just steadily kicked butt all day long.

Then I came home and made dinner with MY BOYFRIEND WHO LIVES WITH ME NOW.

That’s right – Walter’s back in Austin! WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

It’s basically the best thing ever. He’s only been officially moved in for a few days, and we’ve already made dinner together twice. And they’ve been healthy and delicious. Tonight was tacos – ground beef, veggies, and guacamole in a corn tortilla. Walter also found HEB tortilla soup that was delicious and really low calorie. It was amazing on this chilly evening!

tacos.

I tracked everything I ate today, and I stayed under my points. Bam, bitches.

2 other exciting things in the past few days: I got my hurr did…

hair.

And I drank a beer that had glitter in it.

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(Austin Beerworks does it again.)

That’s all I’ve got for you right now. My dear friend Amanda just joined WW with me, and we are going to work super hard together to make this shit go down the way it’s supposed to.

Lots of love, friends. Lots of love.

Hey

Oh, hey guys. Remember me?

**crickets**

It’s been awhile, blah blah blah. Guess what? LIFE HAPPENS. Leave me alone. And stay offa my lawn!

Now that I’m done being crotchety, here’s what’s up: I moved to a new apartment last week, I’m in my second year of teaching, Walter lives in Dallas, that sucks, some days I’m kind of healthy, some days I’m not, mostly not healthy lately, and I feel like bleh. And more bleh. (WordPress kept autocorrecting that to “bleu”. I guess it’s fitting.)

Here’s what I did tonight: I went to the grocery store. WOW LIZ, people do that every day, shut up, you’re not that big of a deal. Oh yes I am, unknown italicized nay-sayer. Because I truly don’t remember the last time I went to the grocery store and actually purchased food with the intention of eating it sometime other than RIGHT THAT SECOND. Yep.

On the grocery store note – the HEB close to me is the. shit. Seriously. It’s an HEB Plus, which already makes it about 18 times more badass. (Just like Super Target. I’m sorry, what’s that? You made one of my favorite places in the world, “SUPER”? I’m effing THERE!) The aisles in this place are, like, the size of a street lane. That already helps one of my biggest annoyances with grocery stores: other freaking people. At this place they are just pushing their carts down the other side of the street. NBD.

So I bought food. And let’s be honest – not even THAT much. When you see these photos, you’re going to be like, “Good job, Liz. You improved your food situation by about 18%.” But guess what. 18% is better than nothing, bitches.

Fridge before:**

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Fridge after:

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“Woo hoo!” shouted no one. Oh well – it’s better than it was before. Now I have the following: grapes, apples, pears, bananas, carrots, lettuce wraps, bell pepper, turkey, cheese, yogurt, milk, frozen meals, ice cream bars, breakfast sandwiches, popcorn, and a salmon thing for dinner some night this week. (All the veggies and fruit are in that bottom drawer. It fogged up because I had the door open for so long. Save the earth!)

I guess I’m back. But don’t hold your breath. Here’s to…..being slightly better than I was yesterday.

**A note: do you see what my fridge looked like, post-move? Like, that’s friggin absurd. Gin, beer, tonic, leftover pizza, and an empty Brita pitcher. Livin’ the high life, my friends.